I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
