That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
