Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
