whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My vagina is very pro this idea
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
