can u get pink eye on your cock?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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