after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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