so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
