i was born a porn star she said
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
