Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
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One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
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He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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