im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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