Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
