omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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