Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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