He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize