I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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