he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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