3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I looked at my own cervix.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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