I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
