sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
