White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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