i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
soo... how was my night?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
