need another drink. this is the easiest way
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
