U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
