I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
