dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
