On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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