he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
