My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The beer is more important than you right now.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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