I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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