Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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