"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
