Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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