Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
