Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
