Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
