And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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