If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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