He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
