explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
