You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
