well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
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I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
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You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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