I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
