If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
