I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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