Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
