I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
