Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
