she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
