Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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