Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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