I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
