My brain says no but my pants say off.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Another day, another engagement, another cat
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
