u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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