Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize