The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
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Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
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why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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