My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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