How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
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I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
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You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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