he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I need moral support for this bender
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
