You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
okay pat passed out under dana's car
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize