Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
worst night to have a conscience
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
