nut hugger
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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