Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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