dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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