I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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