can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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