the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
