I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Terrible idea I love it
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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