Redeem this text for a blowjob
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
