Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
