were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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