Plan B is the new Plan A
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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