So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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