first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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