Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
