It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
