If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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