i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
